Great White House by Christoph Paul @christophPaul_

Chapter 1

President Obama quieted members of the C.T.F. and pressed a red communication button. Thunder burst almost directly above the White House, vibrating the windowpanes and startling everyone in the room. The static screen came into focus, revealing Chinese President Xi Jinping. He was sitting in an ornate gold chair wearing a black suit, a pretty white cat sitting in his lap. He gave the cat gentle pets and smiled at the screen, reminding a few senators unfamiliar with Chinese people of Leslie Chow, the character from The Hangover.

Congresswoman Bachmann not familiar with that film looked at the screen and whispered to Senator Ted Cruz, “I heard they eat them; that’s probably his breakfast.”

President Xi Jinping continued to pet his cat and responded, “Not true, Mrs. Bachmann, you have us confused with the Koreans.”

“No, I heard it my prayer group. I’m not going to fall for your communist lies. Oh dear, that poor cat.”

President Obama raised his hand. “Please, Congresswoman Bachmann, let us show some respect to President Xi Jinping.”

“It is okay, President Obama. She does not know any better; her YouTube videos are very popular in China—well, we ban most American videos, but still let hers in for our own political reasons.” Jinping continued to run his fingers through his cat’s fur. “If you must know, Congresswoman Bachmann, China is actually going to go on entire country vegan diet.”

Bachmann shook her head again in disgust. “That sounds about right, you’re a bunch of wall-building pansies…and stop putting that MSG in your General Tso’s chicken; it causes great problems to my husband's health. You should be paying me, huh.”

Even the Chinese President decided not to mention Mr. Bachmann’s rumored homosexuality. “We are not, as you say, pansies. We are a very disciplined people and lover of animals. I love this cat, her name…17 Trillion Dollar Debt.” Jinping laughed as the storm got stronger.

The thunder was so loud it spooked the money sum-debt named cat on the end of the teleconference speakers and she jumped off the Chinese President’s lap. Jinping brushed the cat hair off his suit. “I hear the weather is quite deadly in Washington today, almost unnatural sounding. Maybe it like your capitalist economy and not functioning properly.”

President Obama tried to take control of the conversation. “The weather is acting strange but it doesn’t help that your carbon emissions have surpassed ours recently.”

“Do not change the subject, President Obama. We want to be clean; we have great plans for China, but my economic czars tell me we need money to do our great plans and we cannot do them till your debt is paid back. We need back now! You pay now! Your democracy move too slow. Always spending money on wars, and no win! I want pay now!”

“Now, now, President Xi Jinping, no need to get hasty and raise your voice. We are hurting right now. We had the recession. We’re still trying to recover from it, but you’re acting like sharks with blood in the water.”

The Chinese President smiled. “Ha, good choice of words, President Obama. I believe your English word for it is—foreshadowing.”

“Look, let's be civil here, no need for that kind of talk. We both have nukes. We can’t have any kind talk of war—not over debt, not in the 21^st century. We are both strong nations.”

“We don’t want war or to hurt global community. Nuclear war would be mutual destruction. But unless you pay the money you owe us, we must punish you; it Chinese lesson that thieves must be pay when they steal—they must pay back debt or meet white demon. It is in the Tao… probably. Either way today is day you learn this lesson or you shall perish.”

Obama's brows furrowed, his usual cool demeanor shaken. A drop of sweat ran down his right cheek. “Let me be clear, President Xi Jinping. I don’t like where this going. Congress and I are doing our best to figure out the debt situation.”

“Your best not good enough; we are beating your country in science and math; we are soon to be new super power. We have great power that only your conspiracy countrymen on radio and Internet have realized. We can do things that no one would believe!” Jinping stopped and raised his eyebrow as another boom of thunder shook the White House. “Like, control the weather. Yes, it is true, we have figured it out; while you watch football and sex tapes, we study! While you eat hamburger, we eat fish, which is good for brain.”

Chinese President Xi Jinping then held up what looked a super-sized remote control; he smiled and pressed a button. “You will like this!”

The windows again rattled and the screen flipped to show different parts of the city. The storm throughout Washington became stronger; thunder cracked and rain increased, creating more flood-like conditions. An image of the White House barely visible through the precipitation made the C.T.F. collectively shudder. Members' jaws dropped and they turned toward the window, where they saw raindrops so unreal, it was like the final battle of Matrix Revolutions.

The President of China smiled as gut-busting thunder caused a few in the room to whimper.

When the thunder stopped, Xi Jinping continued. “We must give you some credit. We the Chinese people are not ‘creatives,’ but love watching American cinema like X-Men Part 1 & 2. My scientists were inspired by Halle Berry’s African special powers, and learned to harness them. Soon your White House will be surrounded by water.”

Senator McCain shook his stiff arm at the screen. “You commie bastards. That’s why they gave Annapolis fake Intel.”

Joe Biden, back at the decanter, drank deeply from the scotch. “John, when you're right, you're right. I told you, Barry, we need to keep funding science, not your damn healthcare bill.”

“It's funny you mention Annapolis, Senator McCain,” Jinping said. He clicked his over-sized remote again. The screen flipped to images of Annapolis. Through the sheets of rain, Annapolis looked like Michael Bay’s Pearl Harbor, with ships partially submerged and seamen struggling to escape the wreckage.

Biden rolled his eyes and finished his scotch. “That looks fake to me. Chinaman’s tricks. I’m not falling for it.”

President Obama's jaw dropped. He didn't think it looked fake at all.

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Genre – Fiction, Humor

Rating – PG-13

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