How could I not have noticed just how adorable he was? I must have
been so focused on getting Alan to see my point during our couples’
counseling sessions that I’d hardly had time to glance at the referee.
But those sessions had ended. And now here I was—sitting alone on the
couch directly across from him, absorbing the gaze from his soulful blue
eyes, and wondering what I had been missing.
His third-floor office, cocooned in a converted Victorian house—the house of my dreams—smelled cozy, like pinecones. My hands were sweating and my heart was pounding. He was just my type: dark hair, wire-rimmed glasses, a trim physique and boyish grin masking an impish and intelligent curiosity. He asked me about my relationship with my mom and if I was sharing my sorrow with Alan, while I was thinking about how nicely that tweed jacket fit him. He looked at me with what felt like an unprecedented intensity and listened to me with a rapt attention that threatened to unwrap the gooey, gory, and oh-so-tender places deep inside me.
So I began therapy with David, hoping for a psychic sanctuary. What I didn’t expect was to immediately find myself thinking obsessively about him between sessions, planning the outfits I’d wear to my appointments, and wondering if he preferred chocolate chip cookies with or without nuts.
Yes, I did want to heal. But, I also wanted to curl up in his lap and purr.
Where Have I Been All My Life? is a compelling memoir recounting one woman’s journey through grief and a profound feeling of unworthiness to wholeness and healing. It begins with the chillingly sudden death of Rice’s mother, and is followed by her foray into the center of mourning.
With wisdom, grace, and humor, Rice recounts the grief games she plays in an effort to resurrect her mother; her efforts to get her therapist, who she falls desperately in love with, to run away with her; and the transformation of her husband from fantasy man to ordinary guy to superhero. In the process, she experiences aching revelations about her family and her past—and realizes what she must leave behind, and what she can carry forward with her.
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