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John is front and center in my head when I awaken the next morning. I roll over to the empty space next to me and lay in bed with my eyes open, giving thought to what my mornings might feel like if John and I were still a couple. My morning begins with a soothing hot bubble bath where I will read an inspirational book, which causes me to feel better about everything in my life. And this morning, that book is The Prospering Power of Love by Catherine Ponder. Though I have already made plans to put John out of my head and heart, I find it a lot easier to plan for than actually carry out.
After a morning of soaking in my relaxing bath for almost an hour, I make my weekly stop to Jewel grocery store. Not having taken my cell phone with me, upon my return, I am pleasantly surprised to see my phone light up when I see that it is John. Several rings later, the call is transferred to voicemail. I know I will eventually listen to his message. The question is when. Will I listen to it now and risk upsetting myself, or will I wait a day or two when I am feeling more in control of my emotions?
Without giving it any more thought I listen to his message. Simply put, he wants a return call, which is something that I am unwilling to provide at this time. However, I can't resist saving his number into my phone anyway. My reason for not returning his call is easy for anyone to understand. I want him, and talking to him will make him all that much more difficult to resist. John is a forbidden fruit, and I possess the emotional scars to prove it. It can never be, and that is my final answer.
Before I began writing full time, I used to work as an administrative assistant, and liked it less and less every year. There is something about having someone constantly saying, do this and this and this that irks me. I like to be alone with my thoughts for long stretches of time and having someone constantly distracting me becomes an annoyance.
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